I wrote the following shortly after my return from Darwin on a trip in August 2006 , to visit my sister who had Lung cancer. This trip was made possible by the generousity of members of my online quilting group Quilting Downunder. I posted this as a thank you to all who supported me through this trip. And recentlywas reminded of it. So I want to preserve this memory so I am copying it here. My sister Barbara lost her battle with cancer on Tuesday 15th Of May.
My trip really began when I received an email from Christine Abella,offering help. Thanks to Christine and the wonderful QDUers, by the end of that day I was able to make plans to go to Darwin to see my sister Barbara.
The time took forever to come and when it did I was terrified. I have suffered panic attacks for seven years and hardly leave the house, oops should put hardly left the house. The thought of travelling by train and plane really started to sink in and I thought what have I done? Time to call in the troops. So I asked QDUers for help again and they didn't let me down. I know there is no way this trip could have happened without the help and prayers of all you wonderful people. I will never be able to thank you enough.But please know the inner strength and the bravery so many of you said I had came from you. Only once in 10 days did I feel really panicky, there were times when the panic started to nibble at me but I thought of all you people especially Jo from the circus and I got through.
The only way I can explain this was your support, I regularly suffered panic attacks every time I had to leave thehouse. So you tell me what else could it have been that got me through, but the prayers from all of you
My journey began on Friday August 18th, I caught the 5:10pm train to Melbourne and was met by two of my sisters. I spent the weekend withMargie and caught up with family in Melbourne.
Then Monday came all too quickly and I thought well here goes. I had told my DH if Ihated the plane trip he would have to come get me. He told me I would have to go walkabout. But I loved the trip,
Margie was absolutely wonderful and I think she had all the panic attacks for me, she supported me the whole time. But she didn't know I didn't need it cause I had all of you supporting me.We arrived in Darwin at about 2am in the morning and it was so humid. We were ferried to the motel where we were spending the night by bus. When we arrived and checked in we were informed we were to spend the night in the honeymoon suite. We were not amused lol. So here we were in the honeymoon suite with this huge bed, spa and double shower. Margie made a line down the middle and said don'tcross it. Lol just as well we are sisters and could joke about it.
We were too tired to care and we were soon sound asleep.Next morning our brother in law Graeme picked us up for the trip to Humpty Doo, which is about 50km from the airport. We were excited but apprehensive. So we quizzed Graeme as to how our sister Barbara was. He kept telling us she was fine, but she got angry a lot. BothMargie and I found this impossible to believe, as Barbara was the calmest person we knew. But we were soon to find out different.
We soon arrived to be greeted by Bandit and Smokey two wonderful dogs. Bandit a blue heeler cross was given to Barbara by her son who died tragically about a year ago. Smokey is dingo cross heeler and so lovely also. My first sight of Barbara in eight years took me by surprise, I thought I had prepared myself, but I don't think that was possible.She was so thin and looked about 80 instead of not yet 59. However I tried hard to conceal my surprise.
Barbara is only able to spend very short periods out of bed then she tires, we found she would stretch it to an hour then rest for about 2 hours. During each of those hours we spent a lot of time talking, laughing, and crying.She told us the details of her son's death for me this was the first time I heard an accurate account. And when she showed me all the tributes the tears flowed and flowed.
David was 33 when he died. A lovely boy well man I suppose. He did something silly and paid for it with his life.He was a lovable kid, yes I still think of him as a kid. However like all larrikins he spent the day drinking. And then hopped in his car, which was a brand new jeep Cherokee, and didn't put the seatbelt on. Two tragic mistakes, drink driving and no seat belt. He was impatient and went to pass a car and realised there was a car coming in the other direction, spun the car back, clipped the kerb and flipped the car. He was thrown out of the car and there was not apart of his body that wasn't injured. I asked Barb did he die instantly and all she said was I hope so. The passenger was not injured, he had a seat belt on. So please don't drink drive and always wear your seat belts.
Barbara was diagnosed with lung cancer three days before this, she was going to tell her son David, her only child,the day he died.She is grateful he died not knowing. She was given 6 months and that was 15 months ago so she has had 9 months longer than they expected.She now survives on oxygen and does little else but sleep and eat.She weighs about 30 to 40 kilos. Margaret and I made her some pants as nothing she has fits her. She is in constant pain with arthritis in her legs and her feet are so swollen.
Right now I feel numb, I am glad I went to see her and will be eternally grateful to all here who helped me, and also my sisterMargie who was just so wonderful, please don't forget Margie also suffers with anxiety and panic, and for reasons I will never know decided this was the week to give up smoking. So you can imagine how difficult this trip was for her also.
Thursday came all too quickly for us and we said our goodbyes which believe me was the hardest thing I have ever had to do, because I know I will never see her again. We are a family that grew up not being allowed to cry. Every time we cried we told to grow up, so there were not a lot of tears but believe me there was a lot of sadness.Margaret and I did some sight seeing, and I shocked our Jo when she rang me and I was sitting in the main street of Darwin waiting for Margie to finish her retail therapy. We went to Mindil markets and watched the sunset, to the beautiful music of Jabaru, a lovely duet that sing and play all sorts of tribal instruments. I can still hear Jo asking me if I was indigenous when I told her this. LOL Jo I am as white as a Lily.While speaking of Jo this wonderful person rang me almost every day,she boosted me when I was sad and helped me through the scary times.She is the most wonderful person I know. And I am proud to call her my friend. The day she was assigned my mortal in and Angel/ Mortalswap was the best day of my life. My life has been enriched by knowing her.
All too soon we were on our way home. By this time I was feeling homesick and all I wanted to do was go home. Soon Monday arrived and I was on my way home. DH was there waiting for me at the station. We were both pleased to see each other. This had been a hard 10 days for him as he suffers PTSD but he managed well under the watchtful eye of our DGD and DD and his Dsister.
So this doesn't go anywhere near telling you everything that happened but hope it shows you how wonderful this trip was for me and something I will be grateful for till the day I die. I don't know how much longer my sister has left, she has told us he husband has power of attorney and she doesn't not want to be kept alive on amachine. I feel and I hope I am wrong, she was hanging on to see us and my mum who is there this week. Margie disagrees with me, but who knows. All I hope is she doesn't suffer.
Thank you, I am not going to thank you all indivually, but thanks for the donations, the support the prayers the phone calls the emails and everything.There are photos if you want to see them email me and I will send you the link.
Hugz Christina
Have you had a kindness shown?
Pass it on;
Twas not given for thee alone,Pass it on;
Let it travel down the years,
Let it wipe another's tears,'
Til in Heaven the deed appears -Pass it on.
~Henry Burton, Pass It On
